misery.

you don’t know what misery is.

huh?

why do you say you miss her so much, yet when given the opportunity to spend more time together, you deny it? 

choices.

i just wanted him to love me.

but he chose work over me.

i just wanted some family time.

but he chose work over us.

i just wanted to stop hurting.

so i chose to drink at night.

i just wanted us to be happy again.

so we chose to buy a house.

i just couldn’t handle the depression,

so he chose to have an affair.

i just want to be happy again.

everyday.

i miss him.  i want him.  i want us.  

i want our family back.  

i want his love back.

i fucking hate feeling this way all day, every day.

 

constant.

constant pain. everything hurts.

my little ray of sunshine is the only thing that makes me happy and she’s going with her dad for three days. i selfishly don’t want her to go. three days of darkness. i can’t stand the thought. it hurts so much and she helps alleviate the pain, i don’t want to feel the full on pain that i know will descend upon me without having her to come home to.

i’m so scared. tired. in pain. alone.

so alone.

sad.

the heart wants what the heart wants. my heart wants him.

before he cheated, in an alternate universe where he stays the good man he once was and never cheats.

i miss him so much.